Common Traits of A Person Struggling with Addiction

It doesn't really matter what the addiction is. We can veg out on pretty much anything....these are often many of the symptoms:

1. Profound narcissism. They are often self-centered and self-absorbed.

2. Extreme grandiosity. Mostly image – addicts "front strength", but are actually weak with low self-esteem.

3. Manipulation and lying. Con games, lying.

4. Impulsiveness. Like lightning they move from impulse to action, bypassing the weighing of possible consequences to self or others.

5. Extreme risk taking. 

6. Externalizing of blame. It's always someone else's fault, never there own.

7. Isolation. They retreat into a world filled with secrets, shame and guilt.

8. Passivity. At times, they collapse into inaction, awaiting the rescue by others.

 

Sound like anyone you know? 

keith winstead // director of celebrate recovery & worship arts
tel 910.454.9302 // fax 910.363.4097 // mobile 910.269.6738 // email // twitter // blog // www

Get Quiet and Watch This

Funny - We apoligize for bad things that we say...

Listening to the message this morning, Troy spoke about it not being our harsh words to others that offend them, rather it's our heart that offends them. The thought occurred to me that when I offend someone, I blame my mouth. I tell them that I am sorry for my words. Why don't I say that I am sorry for my heart or for my soul being sick?

 It's the newest form of denial that I have discovered. 

keith winstead // director of celebrate recovery & worship arts
tel 910.454.9302 // fax 910.363.4097 // mobile 910.269.6738 // email // twitter // blog // www

Psalm 106--When God's got no reason to help me

Hello, Faithful CR Blog readers! This is Guy Spillers, worship leader and chicken-eater at Celebrate recovery, and not always necessarily in that order. For some reason the staff thought I might have something to contribute to the blog, so here we go...

I don't know about you, but sometimes I am so overwhelmed by ME that it is all can do to hope that God loves me or is going to help me recover from my hurts, habits and hang-ups. I try to remember the cross, remember God's love, remember God's faithfulness, but so many times I still end up being overwhelmed with guilt or shame or distraction or anxiety or one of the multitudinous other vices that can grip me.

Well, this morning I read Psalm 106, an amazing Psalm with an encouraging truth about God's love. And more specifically, what God bases his love on, what he hinges it on, what determines for God whether he loves us.

Psalm 106 traces the history of God's working in the historical nation of Israel. It makes particular mention of the many times where Israel was unfaithful to the Lord: their grumbling in the desert; the golden calf they made and worshiped at Horeb; their Baal worship in Canaan. And those examples are only the tip of the iceburg of their unfaithfulness.

Honestly, though, it doesn't sound too foreign to me. How often do I rebel against the circumstances God has placed me in; how often do I complain and accuse him of wrong; how often do I fail to rest in what he provides and instead run about like a headless chicken trying to feed himself!

Sometimes I am afraid and ashamed and discouraged, because after all my unfaithfulness, what reason does God have to continue working in my life? I feel like God could with complete justice throw his hands in the air with me and say, "Enough's enough!!" Well, I think Psalm 106:8 has the answer: "Yet he saved them for his name's sake, that he might make known his mighty power."

That should be one of the most liberating verses you've ever read. God doesn't look at me and you for a reason to save us, to help us recover, to make us new people. If God was waiting for us to get right first, he and we would be waiting for all eternity. God doesn't base his love on anything we do or are; he bases it on what he does and who he is!

It is a freeing thing to realize that our recovery isn't our pact with God--in other words, "You're recovery will succeed if you do this and this and this and this perfectly."--but instead is really God's pact with himself, e.g. "You're recovery will succeed because I am God and I love you and I will make you new so that all men will know that I am God."

God wants you and I to become new people so that we and everyone around us will know that he is God. Only One can save, only One can give life, only One can take away our brokenness and pain and replace it with joy and make us new and fresh and alive.

If you're suffering under the weight of the realization that you are a sinner too far gone to help yourself, then you are in a much better position than the one who believes he or she has it all together. Just take your gaze off yourself to the cross where Jesus died for your sins and rose again on the third day, to this greatest beacon of the love of God from whom flows life and rest and joy and peace. God will save you, and not because of you; because of Him.

Man, that is awesome! Trust Christ daily through your recovery; he is providing the strength, and he will provide the success! I am energized for the day!

Some Things I've Learned After Two Years of Recovery Work

1.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, rather intelligence.

2.  God never wastes a hurt.

3.  Trust and Fear issues are the main reasons that people have Hurts, Habits, and Hang-ups.

4.  The scriptures are the daily guide to life that few in recovery have time to read. 

5.  People who say they don't really struggle with anything are either lying, in denial, or don't understand the Bible.

6.  Nothing gives more courage and faith than someone's testimony of overcoming insurmountable circumstances.

7.  People with authority issues rarely make it through to healing without excruciating pain.

8.  Some of my life's most memorable moments were in a small group, watershed moment.

9.  Everyone needs a Godly mentor (sponsor). Without this, we often stay stuck, unchallenged and living a nightmare of changing jobs, relationships, and demographics, looking for greener grass.

10.  I now have the best friends that I have ever had. 

11.  People who don't trust anyone don't trust God. 

12.  The more I'm honest and transparent, the more friends I have - the opposite of what I thought.

13. Accepting God's forgiveness and forgiveness from others is easy compared to forgiving ourselves.

14. Selfish people stay sick longer.

15. It's never the fault of the person leaving the program when they decide to leave early.

16. People who don't do the 12th step need to go through the program again - they missed something critical.

17.  I found out I was not the only "weak" one with the weird thoughts and fears. 

18.  The more I read I realize that the greatest men and women in the world almost always had mentors and confidants, why shouldn't I have an accountability team and a Sponsor?

19.  Loneliness is a choice.

20.  Dead trees seem to give the most advice on how to grow fruit.

21.  People often go to dead trees to gain knowledge on how to grow fruit. Weird.

keith winstead // director of celebrate recovery & worship arts
tel 910.454.9302 // fax 910.363.4097 // mobile 910.269.6738 // email // twitter // blog // www

Another bad day or God's divine guidance?

The phone rings. The number is one that I recognize as pain. I answer it. This person has the ability to get under my skin by simply breathing.

You probably don't know anyone like that.

So, she says "I don't want him to do my work, I want the other guy that I had before". I commence to tell her that fellow no longer works for me. (like that would pacify her...) She begins to whine and make personal remarks about my guys. (that work for me)

It's anger time baby, right. Time to pull out the AK47 tongue and give her some of her own medicine. People like this should be put in their place! Right! I mean, she's rude, I saw it coming, and she is now going personal. Simple - time to blast her and let it ruin both of our days!!! 

Here we go baby!

Wait a minute. How has this worked out in the past? Honestly, never well. I have leveled my fair share of the verbally under-qualified. But I'm different now. I have given God control, full control of my life. How would I handle this situation if I knew God was in control?

Dang IT! I want to give her a BLAST!

But I say something completely civil. I tell her that I will call the fellow that no longer works for me and see if he is interested. Whew. That was calming. I remembered that I cannot die on every hill; this one is not worth the battle.

Here's the cool thing. God is in control. I found out today that we have sold some more jobs and I am under-staffed for the next few weeks for sure. It turns out that it helps me! I don't have to pull any guys from production jobs and do this small thing! This saves us money and time as well as gets us to the next production job quicker.

I probably could have forced my hand and given her one of my current guys that would have done an excellent job. But she would have been mad and picked apart the work that he did, thus dragging out this menial task and delaying profits.

I'm glad God is in control and I kept my mouth shut.

Pull the negative drain plug!

This is where I have had to make some really tough decisions. I mean really tough. I realized that the people that I am around greatly impact me, good or bad. I don't know why I took so long, but I pulled the plug on the negative people. I am now able to limit my time around them. The hardest part was assessing who they were and what to do about it.

You see, I don't have a special covenant with people, friends, or even family members. I can choose to limit my time with people who actually bleed the positive energy out of me. The people to whom I am referring are the ones that take, and take and take. They speak ill of others. They talk about themselves and their needs constantly as if I don't even exist. They are difficult to deal with and find drama in the smallest of things.  Chaos is often part of their weekly diet. They like to talk trash about me behind my back.

One of the coolest things in the world happened to me when I realized I could simply walk away. Overcoming some of my codependency issues has been half of the key, while the other half was God helping me understand my purpose in life.

Example: An event is coming, say, a birthday party or family event that "should" be attended. First, determine if it should be attended. Am I going because I feel pressured or guilt? Am I being codependent or am I supposed to be there. If I am overcoming codependency, then I am okay with the people that are going to talk about me if I miss. I am also wise enough to know that they are the same people that are going to find fault with me even if I go. 

Second, I ask myself if this fits my purpose in life. Post Celebrate Recovery, I have a much better vision for what I am doing here and what God is doing with me. This helps decision making immensely. It would be codependency, not strength and purpose, that would make me feel guilty about not attending a friend's or family Tupperware party! It does not fit either question that I ask myself. So I simply say no thank-you. Some will try to guilt me, but I will not be guilty. Refreshing isn't it? God has shown me that my purpose in life is to serve Him. This includes my family, ministry, and lastly my business. I will rarely do ANYTHING that does not fit into those three things. I was an approval addict as well as an alcoholic. Superfluous activities are the devil's playground for me!

In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 15:33, it states that "bad company corrupts good morals". I have to limit my time around people that drain me. They are like leeches sucking the life blood right out of me! 

Here's a tip: There will be things that you need to attend that you may be dreading. It fits both questions, going for the right reasons, and it fits my God-give purpose in life. But there will be blood sucking leeches there nonetheless. I will often show up right when the event starts and leave exactly when it is over. Thus limiting my blood-loss exposure time (B.L.E.T) If I show up early, I often pay, with the vultures of life sucking my energy in 7-11 size Big Gulps! If I stay late, the buzzards come in and suck the remaining life out and I go home with a distorted view of life all caused by people who are far away from God. Birds of prey will often peck the eyes of their next victim to see if they are dead. I guard my eyes by limiting my exposure around death.

Go late, leave early; I keep my thoughts and mind guarded against unnecessary abuse. 

The people that I CHOOSE to spend time with are there for the right reasons. I have less chaos. 

Often times chaos is a choice.

keith winstead // director of celebrate recovery & worship arts
tel 910.454.9302 // fax 910.363.4097 // mobile 910.269.6738 // email // twitter // blog // www