Dis-trac-tions

I started reading The 40 Days Of Love book today. It's called the
Relationship Principles of Jesus.

It's a book designed to get us to think about the commandment by
Jesus to love God and your neighbors as yourself. It's the greatest
commandment according to Jesus. However, to those of us in recovery,
this seems like landing on the moon compared to where we are.

Addiction is the great distraction from the very thing man was
created to do- fellowship with God. How could I possibly be worried
about such silliness as building relationships with my God and my
family when I am consumed with financial stress? Is it possible to
worry about such trivial things when I have problems, big problems to
work through? I need a drink. I need a good argument. I need money, a
new car, a job, a new spouse, somebody that will treat ME right. What
about me?

Addiction. Food, sex, drugs, codependency, approval, alcohol, and
workaholism, are all convenient distractions that result most often
from broken relationships.

Period.

Now, how important are relationships built on love? The very things
that we need, relationships built on trust and love, are the last
thing we need in chaos! Christ-based recovery is founded upon (re)
building relationships with God and man!

First we dethrone ourselves from the position of being god. Then we
realize I'm not God, and that a power greater than me could restore
me to sanity. Then we go on to a better relationship and trust in God
which paves the way for restored relationships with man.

After healing with God and man, we go on (12th step) and help others,
therefore developing countless new, healthy relationships! No wonder
we do not want to sit in a group and talk! That would take some
modicum of normality in relating to others. That's the very thing
that is keeping us sick. Dysfunctional relations with God and man! We
don't want an accountability group or a sponsor! No way. We are love
broken and relationship broken. Our view of love is distorted in
addiction and chaos.

It's not that the average person in recovery does not want to let
people in their lives, they don't know how. So we stay distracted.
Job, pets, children, vice, television, hobbies - you name it. We've
got stuff to do. We've got circles to run in and houses to re-clean.
Humans have a tendency to avoid that which will help them most. It is
the most bizarre discovery that I have made to date. (more on that soon)

Dysfunctional people need restored relationships with God and man.
That's the answer. We don't need money, lust, and material things as
a way to happiness! How has that been working out, by the way? The
path to restoring finances, jobs, people we can't control,
depression, anxiety, and low self esteem is directed more clearly and
quickly through loving God and loving man.

Just the opposite of how I typically think.

That train may never arrive

2 Thes. 3:10 "If a person will not work, then he will not eat." 

Now that's a rude verse in the bible! Or is it? Surely the sluggard will not have much in this life. If I decide to sit back and wait for my train to come in, I may never know where it could take me. I do, however, think there is a little more here than a harsh command to the couch potato.

In life, we can freeze up due to fear or insecurity and end up virtually doing nothing but existing. Or worse yet, digressing. I can stay amazingly busy and justify everything I'm doing as absolutely necessary, and use that as an excuse to avoid that which I fear. That which I know has to be done. That which would make my life better and more successful if I would just make a step towards it, no matter how small.

I have many that will disagree with my next statement: "There are very few lazy people, mostly they are actually unmotivated, fearful, fear failure or success, or have emotional damage from people that have told them they were worthless".  It's demotivating to say the least. So, in essence, we hide. 

Some mountains seem unconquerable. "This will never change" is what we can end up believing. Let's speak a little bit about inertia. It is the force that begins to work for us as we step out of fear and take a step up that mountain. The smallest step is a good step. It gives inertia a chance.

The scripture about not working and not eating could also be related to endless other things in my opinion. What about "If you don't spend quality time with your kids, they will eventually resent you". The correct baby step for the work scripture may be looking at some classified ads instead of saying that there is nothing in there (fear, denial) or saying that in this economy there are too many people and you would never get picked. (fear of failure, fear of rejection) The correct baby step for the family quote might be to simply set apart one night a week - even one hour a week - and spend time doing what your son or daughter wants to do instead of saying "I'm just too busy right now" (fear of intimacy, low self-worth, consumed with personal issues) or "they don't want to spend time with me, they are at that age". (fear of rejection, guilt for past stuff)

The point is, much of this stuff gets called laziness. The list is virtually endless. If you don't eat right, you'll get fat and unhealthy. If you don't love others, you won't be loved. If you don't live within your means, you'll have mounting debt.

These are not just maxims. They are truths the belie the fear, anxiety, trust issues, abuse issues and self worth issues that often get labeled as laziness.

What about the stereotypical husband that won't do anything around the house? He's a lazy bum and she's a constant nag. He would do more but it's never good enough. She would not nag if he would do more. It's often a never-ending circular argument. First, is the man lazy? Or is he rife with failure issues and has an unappeasable wife who had a failure of a father or some other male figure? Now the husband has no chance. Is the bar set too high for him by some woman who is trying to find happiness in a picture-perfect husband because she is masking her own issues? 

Or is he dealing with some past issues that are too painful to deal with in his mind and he uses television and other distractions to escape? Is he medicating with pornography because he is a pervert or he has self-worth issues and can't seem to find the success he dreamed of as a kid? He can always get a smile and a nod of approval from the smiling beauty on the internet.

Pain, yes. Insecurity, yes. Fear, certainly. Laziness, rarely.

Simply taking a small step out of denial and in the general direction of healing is always the right thing to do. Remember, it's not about conquering the mountain, that's too big of a task. It's about taking a small step in that direction. The mountain is conquerable. 

That train you're waiting for is probably never coming. How long have you been waiting? What are some issues that may be keeping us from "working" in order that we may "eat"?

What is a step, even a small one, in the right direction for you?

keith winstead // director of celebrate recovery & worship arts
tel 910.454.9302 // fax 910.363.4097 // mobile 910.269.6738 // email // twitter // blog // www

I guess that's denial

Funny how I can distract myself from obvious things. I can stay busy and keep "important" projects going to keep me from facing some less than desirable realities. I guess it's called denial.

I can convince myself that these important things are in dire need of being done. In fact, no one else could do them. I'm that special. Meanwhile, life-changing situations go by the wayside because I can't face the obvious. Most people around me seem to see that I don't want to focus on the obvious. I don't care. I guess that's denial.

How many more things will I find to distract before I buckle down and go through whatever it is that will make me feel like a million bucks if I do. I know that I would be a different person, indeed, a much better human if I would face these obvious things. But I don't.

I guess that's denial.

Man, oh man, there is nothing like taking all my denial energy and putting it into a project or some other "important" thing or person. This HAS to be done! Right. But why do I feel so empty and fearful when that distraction ( important thing) is past. It can be debilitating. Literal depression can set in for days. Until.

Until I find a new distraction. (a.k.a. really important thing) Believe me, I can find a new distraction. I guess that's denial.

You know haw a two year old little girl will toy with a stranger trying to get their attention in the grocery store? They see the stranger, but they act like he does not exist. The stranger is seriously trying all he can to get the girl to look and smile. She's not buying what he's selling.

I feel like the two year old sometimes. For some reason I'm scared to look the other way and acknowledge someone who simply wants to be my friend. Perhaps it's the memories of others who have hurt me when I did reach out for acceptance and relationships? That's on me.

I guess that's denial.

keith winstead // director of celebrate recovery & worship arts
tel 910.454.9302 // fax 910.363.4097 // mobile 910.269.6738 // email // twitter // blog // www

Pain, confusion, depression, discontentment

Man, would the enemy love to keep us here. It becomes a way of life. Life just hurts sometimes; then it seems that no matter what happens to distract us, it's not good enough to alleviate the pain. It always seems to go bad at the end. Others tell us to "cheer up" and "it could be worse, ya know".

Shut the #@!*^# up! Right?

Words do not seem to work at these times. 

Unless. 

Unless God is actually speaking through that person to help us. That's so much different. People are like trees. Some are growing, some are dying, some are stagnate. I like to take advise from people that have fruit on their trees! Why does it seem like dying trees give the most advise? God used an unusual way to speak to me yesterday at church.

God was using cardboard testimonies to speak to the broken-hearted. God still speaks. As a matter of fact, He never stopped or even slowed down. Sometimes I stop listening though.

When we are dealing with pain, confusion, depression, and discontentment, it often becomes a way of life. We can become some sort of martyr without a cause. Self-pity can set in like rigor mortis. We try things like moving to a new area. We try planning some big event or getting deeply involved with other peoples concerns only to find that pain, confusion, depression, and discontentment come rushing back the next morning. Seems like it's often in the morning, doesn't it? Distractions only distract - they only prolong the inevitable.

Coming out of a dark area into a bright area can be difficult. Our eyes don't adjust that quickly. It is hard to see. It makes us feel weird, inadequate, and unworthy because we see others walking around in the light with no discernible vision problems. Often times we say "that's not for me". "I cannot". 

Then we withdraw back into darkness, wearing a mask that does not reflect what's going on inside.

I am thankful that God brought many people into my life that took great pleasure in holding my arms and directing me in the right direction when the light was far too bright for me to see. Today I am walking better on my own, directly with God. 

It just took a little while for my eyes to adjust.

keith winstead // director of celebrate recovery & worship arts
tel 910.454.9302 // fax 910.363.4097 // mobile 910.269.6738 // email // twitter // blog // www

Perspective

Psalm 1:3  And he shall be like a tree planted by the streams of water, That bringeth forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also doth not wither; And whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

We are like the tree in many ways. We have one major difference though. We have a soul. We can think and process about all that is going on around us. When the wind comes, we complain. When the cold comes, we complain. When the storm comes, we're afraid. However, when we get a beautiful sunny day with a slight breeze, we are quite satisfied. It's refreshing and needed; if this is all we experienced each day, we would soon die.

We would accumulate so much dust and pollen that it would choke us out. It's the rain and wind that shake and cleanse. The violent storm that causes our entire body to tremble is the reason our roots dig deeper. Deep roots are what keep us growing taller and stronger. Now we are providing a canopy, oxygen, compost, and a safe haven so that others may live. 

And when I die - others can build with me and enjoy the fruit of my life. 

Stuffers

Hey you. Yes you. The stuffer. You know who you are. You do not have a vent. You have self-esteem issues. You don't think anyone will want to listen to you anyway. Because of feelings of inadequacy, you tend to keep it all in. 

This brings out the mask. That other you. The one that the world sees. It gets tiring keeping up that image of "all is well". Wouldn't it be nice to be you? You know that dream of telling people exactly how you feel and exactly what you are thinking? Wow, wouldn't it be nice to be the wonderful person that you really are? How relaxing and liberating would it be if you could put the mask (s) down? 

And live.

Welcome to Celebrate Recovery - See you any Friday night.

An atheist's thoughts...

Christians live lives that are practically indistinguishable from anyone else in society. This is because even Christians regard their own theology and its implications as too impractical and incompatible with modern life to take seriously. They continue to pay lip service to traditional religion, but when it comes to daily living they toss it aside as irrelevant. One critical example of this is the simple fact that most believers seek to exercise control over their lives and futures rather than passively leaving everything in the hand of their god.

~ By Austin Cline, About.com Guide to Atheism since 1998