I can convince myself that these important things are in dire need of being done. In fact, no one else could do them. I'm that special. Meanwhile, life-changing situations go by the wayside because I can't face the obvious. Most people around me seem to see that I don't want to focus on the obvious. I don't care. I guess that's denial.
How many more things will I find to distract before I buckle down and go through whatever it is that will make me feel like a million bucks if I do. I know that I would be a different person, indeed, a much better human if I would face these obvious things. But I don't.
I guess that's denial.
Man, oh man, there is nothing like taking all my denial energy and putting it into a project or some other "important" thing or person. This HAS to be done! Right. But why do I feel so empty and fearful when that distraction ( important thing) is past. It can be debilitating. Literal depression can set in for days. Until.
Until I find a new distraction. (a.k.a. really important thing) Believe me, I can find a new distraction. I guess that's denial.
You know haw a two year old little girl will toy with a stranger trying to get their attention in the grocery store? They see the stranger, but they act like he does not exist. The stranger is seriously trying all he can to get the girl to look and smile. She's not buying what he's selling.
I feel like the two year old sometimes. For some reason I'm scared to look the other way and acknowledge someone who simply wants to be my friend. Perhaps it's the memories of others who have hurt me when I did reach out for acceptance and relationships? That's on me.
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