You see, I don't have a special covenant with people, friends, or even family members. I can choose to limit my time with people who actually bleed the positive energy out of me. The people to whom I am referring are the ones that take, and take and take. They speak ill of others. They talk about themselves and their needs constantly as if I don't even exist. They are difficult to deal with and find drama in the smallest of things. Chaos is often part of their weekly diet. They like to talk trash about me behind my back.
One of the coolest things in the world happened to me when I realized I could simply walk away. Overcoming some of my codependency issues has been half of the key, while the other half was God helping me understand my purpose in life.
Example: An event is coming, say, a birthday party or family event that "should" be attended. First, determine if it should be attended. Am I going because I feel pressured or guilt? Am I being codependent or am I supposed to be there. If I am overcoming codependency, then I am okay with the people that are going to talk about me if I miss. I am also wise enough to know that they are the same people that are going to find fault with me even if I go.
Second, I ask myself if this fits my purpose in life. Post Celebrate Recovery, I have a much better vision for what I am doing here and what God is doing with me. This helps decision making immensely. It would be codependency, not strength and purpose, that would make me feel guilty about not attending a friend's or family Tupperware party! It does not fit either question that I ask myself. So I simply say no thank-you. Some will try to guilt me, but I will not be guilty. Refreshing isn't it? God has shown me that my purpose in life is to serve Him. This includes my family, ministry, and lastly my business. I will rarely do ANYTHING that does not fit into those three things. I was an approval addict as well as an alcoholic. Superfluous activities are the devil's playground for me!
In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 15:33, it states that "bad company corrupts good morals". I have to limit my time around people that drain me. They are like leeches sucking the life blood right out of me!
Here's a tip: There will be things that you need to attend that you may be dreading. It fits both questions, going for the right reasons, and it fits my God-give purpose in life. But there will be blood sucking leeches there nonetheless. I will often show up right when the event starts and leave exactly when it is over. Thus limiting my blood-loss exposure time (B.L.E.T) If I show up early, I often pay, with the vultures of life sucking my energy in 7-11 size Big Gulps! If I stay late, the buzzards come in and suck the remaining life out and I go home with a distorted view of life all caused by people who are far away from God. Birds of prey will often peck the eyes of their next victim to see if they are dead. I guard my eyes by limiting my exposure around death.
Go late, leave early; I keep my thoughts and mind guarded against unnecessary abuse.
The people that I CHOOSE to spend time with are there for the right reasons. I have less chaos.
Often times chaos is a choice.
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