As I continue to prepare my heart, or rather to ask God to prepare
it, for spiritual inventory, I find myself reaching farther back than
I ever thought I could. I'm really surprised that with all of the
chemicals I've subjected my body to over the years I'm really
surprised to begin remembering things that are necessary for this step.
I wish I could say honestly that I fear or dread this step, but I
can't. I know it will be difficult, painful and at one point in my
life I would have said you were crazy if you thought I was going to
filet my heart out for someone else to see.
In my life I've always tried to be someone that can be trusted, even
though that trust would most often depend on the motive. I never
would have thought to be here today.
Over the weekend, I did some fairly extensive yard work, more than I
had planned really, but, nonetheless, I pressed forward at the task.
I have 2 tall pines in my back flower/garden bed with one of them
being a dying, decaying yet federally protected habitat for the
redheaded woodpecker. Around the base of said tree is what appears to
be sawdust, assumably from the termites, which I had suspected of
eating this tree. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that it was in
fact not sawdust, but a huge nest of fire ants. Now I'm not sure
what you know about fire ants, but the name is very definitive of
close encounters with the little monsters.
Needless to say, I realized that I must get rid of them, they must
die, or else they would eventually, yet most assuredly, migrate over
to destroy the plot I have my garden in.
So I promptly went to the local garden center in search of something
to safely exterminate them without damaging my garden or flowers. I
purchased a bag of such product, went home, and set out to conquer
the nest. FUN, FUN, FUN! In 12 hours, per the instructions, they
should be dead. The next morning, I went out, took my shovel, dug
away a small area, and much to my surprise they were still alive and
well! So, I realized that I must dig deeper and I began again, with
more than one of the little demons taking a shot at me. I reapplied
the product and again I waited.
The next morning, better results but still surviving members of the
colony. THEY MUST DIE! I thought. So yet again, I dug even deeper, in
fact so deep that I was in fear that the tree would surely topple
over and then I would be in big trouble. I had to kill the queen, the
very source of the problem, the very thing that motivates the colony,
must die.
Now, these ants were by the millions, maybe even billions, and
established around the roots of this old tree, entwined in the little
gnarls and twists that ran deep into the ground, and I must find the
queen, the source of the problem. And kill it, remove it, get rid of
it forever. So you see, I compare this to my walk and to my recovery
as I begin this inventory; I tried the simple fix in life for many
years, which was to pour a little poison on it in hopes that it would
go away.
For many years I tried to do this without results. Now as I have
begun to dig, to seek out the source, the queen if you will, of the
problem, I have come to understand this. The problem has for so long
been established, that it has embedded itself in the roots of my
being, so I must dig, search out the source, bearing the stinging
along the way, sucking up the pain, trusting that I will get to the
root of the problem, and finally, kill it, FOREVER. Jeremiah 29:11
promises me that God knows the plans He has for me, so I trust that
even when it gets tough, He knows what needs to be done, He knows the
end result.
